The Pink Locker Society - LIVE on the radio!

I'll be doing my first radio interview at noon on Thursday (6/25) with Shannon Devereaux Sanford on WTBQ in northern New Jersey.

I'll be on with Shannon about 12:05 or so.

Listen online HERE.

Just click on the yellow guy on the top right of the page.

Shannon is a mom and author who interviews lots of cool people. She's also a great friend of KidsHealth.org, which self-published The Pink Locker Society and created www.pinklockersociety.org.

We'll be talking about The Pink Locker Society - why I wrote it and how the book and website can help moms and girls.

To learn more about Shannon's show, visit her website.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip #7)

Good news for moms! You don't have to have that one big talk with your daughter. You know, the one that's supposed to cover everything from soup to nuts about being a girl/woman?

You actually ought to have MANY talks. Before you bolt from this post, hang on. More is actually a good thing. The more often you talk about growing up issues (from bras to birth control), the less you have to pack into one conversation. And, with a narrow focus, each little talk can touch only on the issues your daughter most needs to know about and is ready to discuss.

It's easier for you and her. The 11,000 girls who took our survey about puberty said they'd like their moms to parcel this info out, a bit at a time. Most of all, they don't want a simple desire to get a bra or have some pads handy to morph into a scary conversation about the dangers of sex and boys.

That's why Tip #7 is: Go slow.

So avoid the overwhelming BIG TALK and have these chats little by little through the months and years. (The earlier the better since younger girls were more open to talking with their moms, our survey found.)

It's great to have a mom who knows when to say when. One girl offered this praise for hers, “She answers all my questions and stops when I feel awkward.”

For more help, check out The Pink Locker Society, a resource for girls 8 and up.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip #6)

It's all in the approach when it comes to talking with your daughter about puberty. To be successful, these conversations require forethought, sensitivity and tact. Our survey of nearly 11,000 girls showed that a mom's manner can make all the difference.

Girls said some moms are giddy and others seem sad or angry when they talk about puberty. As one girl put it, “She talks like she is excited and it makes me feel weird.” Others said their moms were tearful and seemed like they didn’t want them to grow up. But some girls praised their moms for having perfect pitch: “She acts like it’s normal and she's not embarrassed, so neither am I.”

That's why our Tip #6 is: Come across just right.

Expect that your daughter will have some hot-button issues, such as the size of her breasts or whether you're going to let her shave her legs LIKE ALL HER FRIENDS DO. Imagine how you'll feel getting into a discussion over body changes, first bras, and boys. Then think about how you want to come across - open, nonjudgmental, relaxed. Even if you don't exactly feel like a paragon of calm, it's time to fake it 'til you make it. One good talk leads to another when you make your daughter feel at ease.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip #5)

Tween girls send me email every day. They are sparkly straight shooters that know what they want to know. Sometimes, their questions, asked in innocence, are very funny.

Why do girls have periods and boys don't?
Is sex fun or boring?
How do tampons work - do you swallow them?

It's OK if I chuckle when they land in my inbox. But if you're a mom and your daughter has worked up the courage to ask you something face-to-face: DO NOT LAUGH. (That's daughter-mother Tip#5.)

That's also the message sent loud and clear by the 11,000 girls who took our recent KidsHealth.org survey about puberty. Girls said knowing their moms would not laugh was a key reason they felt at ease with them.

If you’re a bit nervous, you might laugh without meaning anything by it. But better to flood your head with sobering thoughts than to make your daughter feel foolish. Try to sweep aside the humorous aspect and fish for the question under there. Do your best to answer it: "No dear, we don't swallow tampons. Here's how they work..."

And if your daughter asks you if sex is fun or boring, I wish you the very best of luck.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip #4)

Any advice book on the shelf will tell you to listen. It's the secret to a great marriage, being a good parent, building a small business, and perhaps, leading an exemplary democracy. But as often as it's preached, listening is rarely practiced. Just think about the last big discussion you had at home or work. While the other person was talking, did you spend a lot of your time thinking about what you'd say next? I know I did.

So it comes as no surprise that the 11,000 girls who answered our survey on puberty wanted their moms to LISTEN. But implicit in their request was something else - that mothers not judge.

Daughter-mother tip #4: Just listen.
It’s tempting to want to jump in and make suggestions, give advice, or send up warning flags. But try not to when your daughter is talking. If you rush in too quickly, you might interrupt her though. Your quick-response comments also might go far afield of what your daughter wants to talk about at that moment. One of the loudest messages from girls was that they didn’t want a discussion of their changing bodies to morph into a scary talk about not having sex.

So I'll broaden the definition of listening here to mean more than just sitting quietly, giving eye contact, and nodding. Try to pick up on what your daughter is searching for in her brave attempt to talk to you. She wants information, yes, and maybe an answer to a nagging question. But she's also testing whether you are the right person to come to when she's "confuzzled" as one girl put it. When you let her talk and pay attention, she'll enjoy that rarest of comforts: knowing someone is truly listening.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip #3)

It's easy to bump through the day answering only the questions put directly to us: Where's my backpack? What's for dinner? Can I watch TV?

But think about the questions our kids almost ask us. How many are there? Maybe our children can't find the words. Or they can't get a moment alone with us. Puberty surely is on their minds, but not every child will have the courage to blurt out what's troubling them.

In our KidsHealth.org survey of 11,000 girls, many said they wished they didn't have start the conversation. That brings us today's tip for moms:

Daughter-mother Tip #3: Bring it up.
Lots of girls said they wished their moms would broach the subject. Said one girl: “She doesn't really bring it up herself and I’m not sure when and what to ask.” Said another: “She could tell me that she will always be there for me and that if I need anything, I can be free to talk to her. And then she could get me a bra.”

More than 70% of girls under age 13 told us that they still questions about puberty. And girls, by far, picked mom as the person they'd most like to talk with. Looks like you'll have to be the brave one. Start the conversation. Your daughter will be glad you did.

What Girls Wish Moms Knew (Tip 2)

When it comes to puberty, mom remains the No. 1 source girls want to turn to, according to KidsHealth’s recent online survey of 11,000 girls. It’s good news tempered a little by their answer to the next question: Are you comfortable talking to your mom about periods, bras, and boys?

Only 26% said yes.

We asked why and thousands of girls told us what keeps them from closer, more productive conversations with their moms. Here's the second of 10 daughter-mother tips:

Daughter-Mother Tip #2: Meet privately and don’t tell anyone about it later.
A top concern was feeling embarrassed because other people were part of the conversation or found out the details later. Even if those people were sisters or aunts, girls still felt embarrassed. Of course, you might want to share something with your spouse or close friend. If you must, ensure that this person will NOT spill the beans. What dads know is particularly sensitive.

One girl said she was worried about telling her mom anything because “she might tell my dad, and my dad has a hard time keeping his voice low in public areas.” But other girls praised their moms as confidantes. “My mom is easy to talk to because what we say stays between us.”

It makes sense when you think of it. By talking about puberty, your daughter is sharing private thoughts and concerns. The subject of her growing might throw you off balance, so it's normal to want to tell other people. But let them know this subject isn't one for the dinner table or the next family reunion. It's a great chance to show her you're trustworthy and respectful. Someone she can turn to again and again.